College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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