Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
