I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
