I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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