Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
