I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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