Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
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once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
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Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
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