UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
