I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
