what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he shaved USA in his pubs
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
