my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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