Can i not drive my cunt home
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
