I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
