My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
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his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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