i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
where does the pee come out of this thing
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS