If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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