My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
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You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can