My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.