Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao