Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
