I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
