glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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