You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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