we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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