If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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