my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
