Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
and she was petting her beer can
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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