I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
