I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
