david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
