Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
