I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
