Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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