do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize