i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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