Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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