Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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