I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
