I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
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Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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