The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
