There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
