Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
