The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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