Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
