did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My breath smells like gin and sadness
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
