Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Boobs are out for the taking
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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