I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my being single is dangerous.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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