I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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