I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize