You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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