I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I still have a little drunk in my system
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
