3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
