Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
