Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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