He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
