I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
