Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
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She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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