I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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