make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
