i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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