My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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