If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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