I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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