Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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