i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
