just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
