it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
