so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
