you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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