come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
