This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
