There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Acid is not a monday night drug
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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