k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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