i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I intend to get homeless drunk
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
