some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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