I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
