Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
