I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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