it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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