Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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