If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
