I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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